if you took a look at this journal just because the title is "boobs", well, i would probably have done the same thing.

ANYWAYS... this journal is not about boobs. it is me trying to explain why i have been away for quite some time, and why i have been so on and off with dA since i first got here oh, about 3 years ago. it's also a general update on... life. and projects.

first off, i do apologize. i feel like i apologize in everyone of my journals, because i know i have friends here, and whether or not they are reading this journal, well that's up to them. they very well may have given up on me months and months ago, which is... their choice. i've given up on myself for the most part, so i really don't blame you. so i apologized for being a bad deviant and not fulfilling my duty of giving you lots of nature photography and being a yellow alien. fail on my part.

second off, there are a few reasons why i've been so distant over the last few months. i just finished up my freshman year at college (a college i detest btw). this last semester was literally a shit show. the shittiest show i could possibly imagine. i've taken witness to many of my close relationships disintegrating right before my very eyes. i've also been witness to my own character and personality changing and twisting under the stress of being around people who are not people i would normally choose to hang out with. to make a very long story short, i have changed. alot. i became someone who i am not proud of over the past year, and i'm working to get back to where i want to be. i want to be dedicated to something and i want to be successful at it. that something is photography, and currently, i'm headed towards to the subject of photo journalism and concert photography.

that being said, like most photographers, i'm not always happy with my work. correction: i'm almost never happy with my work. I could have always done SOMETHING better. so when i come onto my site and see shitty pictures of myself and some half assed concert photography, i get a little discouraged. not to mention the hundreds of disregarded deviations and countless unread journals. it just gets frustrating when you know you're not doing your best.

AND WHEN DID IT BECOME BENEFICIAL TO HAVE A SUBSCRIPTION? wtf, mine just ran out not too long ago. figures, it's just recently that you can do cool stuff if you have one.

anyways, that's the end of my rant. i can promise any of yous who made it to the end of this pathetic journal entry that i will try to dedicate myself to my art, and improving upon it. and also staying involved in the community.

NOWWW it's time for a few plugs. and yes, some of them are for me.

[link] <- my twitter
[link] <- my concert photography on myspace.
[link] <- a sweet chat where i met some of the coolest people on dA.

and these are a few of the people i really like. not to mention they are bangin' photographers.


i'm out. i hope you all have a wonderful day.

<3 steph.

i'm sorry i've been a bit non-existant as of lately. i've been super busy with school work and home stuff. i haven't been posting, i haven't been chatting, i haven't been checking my messages... nothing. i've just been being lame basically.

yeah, lame.


fin.

exciting news. really, i'm not kidding this time. not dumb bullshit about dumb... shit. really. exciting news.

one of the bands i've been shooting for awhile just called me up and was curious as to whether or not i was available this weekend to shoot them. they want to make up a press kit, and they want me to do the pictures for them .

AND i'm gonna be getting paid. shit yeah.

i'm nervous though. it's one thing if i'm not being paid... i just want the pictures to be sahweet. ack. i guess i'll figure something out.

but yeah, that's about it. nothing new really. spring break starts this weekend and i am pumped. really pumped. really really really pumped. it's been waaaaay too long.

<3 u.

thanks for those who watch me and love me for being an emotional pissed off oddball.

:]

it's been a rough week, and i don't know how much i really want to update my journal, but i am. i feel like i need to.

this past week. IT HAS BEEN HELL. so many stupid silly things happened and then large terrible things started happening.. and then it all fell on top of me and then i can't sleep and i can't eat because i feel like i'm going to throw up. and i didn't work out this week. (this is similiar to the conversation that goes on in my head 24/7. minus sex)

i went home for the weekend... i feel like a jerk about it though because my dad made me a nice dinner and a nice breakfast, and i over slept and didn't get up... ack. but i got to see my dogs, and i went boarding on friday night. extreme boarding actually. aka, i got stuck in the woods because i suck at boarding. my body hurts. along with my scalp. from the hair pulling and from the bleach. really, why do i bleach my hair? oh that's right. because i'm not cutting it.

go watch this video, it will make you happy, i promise.

[link]

"how i wish you could see the potential... the potential of you and me, it's like a book elegantly bound, but in a language that you can't read just yet."

maybe some writings in the near future. i've been feeling terribly emotional. they'll be good ones, i'm sure.


<3 u.

so things..

about things.

things have really been changing along with the new year. it's weird, really. i still hate school, but it's bearable. my classes don't totally suck. i'm taking an intro to drawing class and that's really helping with my stress i think. sit around for nearly 3 hours drawing a table whilst listening to music. if i draw anything impressive i'll be sure to post.

besides school, i've been doin' alot of thinking. i finished ayn rand's the fountainhead a few weeks ago, and it's really opened my eyes... it's scary to think about who you really are. i feel like i need to try though. so i'm trying to break some of my addictions and going to challenge and push myself this second half of the year. i just feel like i could be so much better than i currently am.

some (89%) of this change has been inspired by a certain someone that i never expected to have in my life. or even talk to ever. someone i've known for years but never had the thought that he might be interesting. when i fall, i fall hard. i fall fast. it's just one of those kinda things. i think i'll scare him off, but he says he thinks he'll scare me off. he's one of those people who make you feel curious. curious to know more. but he's a challenge, and i have a feeling i'll be working on him for a long time to come. not that i mind really.

he plays piano. and goes rock climbing. and he's azen. and has the same birthday as i do.

and i said i wouldn't do this. :sighing:

oh well. i hope you all are well. stop over by 's page and give her a hug. just do it.

i was going to do features. but then i messed it up. so... fuck it.

Steph.